In a culture obsessed with marriage and finding the right man, and growing up hearing, “shadi shadi shadi shadi shadi,”, I must admit, there are days, I wish I was born a man, only so there would be less pressure on me. It’s not easy being a single woman in Pakistan. It isn’t. You know what would make it easy ? If I got a dollar for every time someone asked me about “My Shadi.” I wouldn’t need a job , I would make enough money to never have to work again…imagine…then I could sleep all day, dye my hair blonde and buy a hello kitty phone cover and bat my eyelashes at single men at Mocca…. I digress. The article is about my perfect Valentine’s Day and not ways to earn extra income.
So, this year, I had an amazing Valentine’s weekend. Here is how it went.
I was standing at Hiran Minar, a week before Valentine’s Day with a bunch of goras and in my silly ways, I joked, “ This minar, is for the love of an antelope. I have never gotten flowers, let alone a minar. What a lucky, lope it was.” We had a good laugh and the cute wala gora told me he would send me flowers. I made a face. I want the love, the love the antelope got, not flowers.
So as I boarded my flight to Bangkok, I carefully placed my feet on the leg rest and made a mental note to be more flexible so I could mimic a contortionist and wrap my long legs and arms to somehow fit comfortably in an economy seat. Its not easy being single, or tall in Pakistan. But that’s a different story.
So here I was pretending to be asleep, avoiding human interaction and I started to think, when was the last time, I felt loved or cherished? I couldn’t remember. And here I am, giving love ,giving love, giving love…….and not receiving in return. I realised that perhaps my “deep well of love” could need some refueling.
Within a few hours of landing, I was walking towards my room after a meeting, when out of nowhere a tall dark gentleman walks up to me, smiles and says, “ Are you here with so and so team?” I smiled and said yes. He introduces himself, gives me a flirty smile, shakes my hand and says, “I’ll see you around.”
The 16-year-old inside of me….giggled. On the outside, corporate Huma, responded politely, “ Certainly.” I didn’t see him again of course, but that smile, made me giggle.
So giggling, I spent a brilliant weekend working, hanging out, touring the city and bonding with a friend over men. Late night walks around the city, early morning jogs, hard work and many many many hugs made the trip pleasant. Then one morning, I went down to the hotel spa to get a massage with my friend. Once finished, my friend refused to let me pay for it. It was my first Valentine’s day gift for the day. I was then presented a gorgeous red rose which made my heart smile and when I got to my room, there was a big chocolate bar (my favorite brand of dark chocolate) on my bed. So far the day was perfect. I had gotten a massage, a beautiful red rose and a chocolate from random sources. What more could a girl ask for? I left later that day to catch a flight home and at the airport, decided to indulge in a gift for myself and my mother. As luck would have it, I was gifted a gift card, valued at the price of the perfume I have wished to purchase for a while. I had a massage, a rose, a chocolate and a perfume. I was thrilled. It wasn’t the “things” that thrilled me. I don’t necessarily want things. It was the love I felt receiving those “things.” You see, every moment of that trip was planned by the One up there. The One, had heard my heart asking for Love. The One had heard my heart when it asked to be filled with Love. The One had heard my heart when I stood at a shrine and prayed for myself. I made new friendships, I had two sexy men tell me how attractive I am in the nicest way possible to where my slightly damaged self –esteemed sky rocketed, I felt the love come my way in so many different forms. You see, love isn’t a concrete monument, it isn’t roses, or a chocolate, love is this pure feeling of knowing you are cared for. And I felt it. To the core of my soul. I felt loved. I felt recharged. I felt beautiful. This is what made it so perfect. There were no expectations for anything on my end. I’ve been disappointed before so I try and keep my expectations so low, that I don’t get hurt. This was a surprise and the joy in being surprised was incredible and more so because it was Him Loving me, in the way He knows how to Love.
I can’t explain that emotion fully, but it fills up my soul with light that radiates from my heart. It is how a woman feels when she is loved and when she is loved, she loves generously in return. I have returned, full of love, relaxed and smelling divine!